One Year. 1년. Isang Taon.

I haven’t notice time flying this fast. Ang bilis talaga ng oras. It’s this time of the year again when I look back and see how I have been this past year. Have I been a happier, better Roger this 2011? Hmmmmm.

Life this year has been hard and challenging. Early on, it was full of chumminess- tinatapos ko pa lang yung mga naiwan kong subject nung pumunta ako sa Korea. Summer classes came and I was taking GE classes again. Then 4 months of fieldwork that gave me the opportunity to know, to live with and work with the Aytas of Porac, Pampanga. It was fulfilling, yung nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na makibahagi sa pang-araw araw na buhay nila; makilala hindi lamang sila kundi maging ang sarili ko; at ang mapagtanto ang mga bagay na dapat sa pag-unlad ng aking pagkatao . Masasabi ko namang hindi ako mapagpanggap at pekeng organisador. HAHA. My birthday came, and it was a happy one, I guess. Now is the continuation of my fieldwork program and this 2nd semester has been intense, working with the women of Marikina. Now it’s Christmas break and I am making the most out of it because the moment I step on my field site again, alam na. 헐.

Experiences wise, I think I have earned experiences needed for my community development practice in the future. From writing bunches of papers to facilitating workshops and meetings, to theorizing and discussing ideas, I think this year, I reached and even exceeded what I need to experience. Relationships wise, it was also good. Having been connected to friends after leaving for a year, making new connections with people that came my way and digging deeper those friendships I already treasure. It is also nice to have an unexpected person make you smile unexpectedly.Hmmm. Well, andun yung kagandahan nang hindi nag-eexpect. Expectations either give you bliss or heartaches. I think we expect not for ourselves, certainly not for ourselves. Person-wise, I don’t really know. I think this section is just for personal consumption.

Well, comparisons are inevitable. Comparing life this year from last year always makes me wonder, ‘am I happier now?’ Looking back always makes me nostalgic and euphoric. Tama nga ata, hindi naman talaga tayo nakakamove on, nasasanay lang tayo na hindi natin ginagawa yung mga ginagawa natin dati o nakikita yung mga kaibigang hindi na natin gaanong nakikita ngayon. And when I have time to look back, yes, it’s really coming back- the feeling of being happy and sad at the same time and that moment when I smile and shed a tear.

In this continuing search for happiness, one thing is important- dreaming. So my 2012 would be more about dreaming about my future and of course living the dreams I made before. This year had been colorful, yes. I am a better Roger now and this coming 2012, I will definitely be a better, happier Roger than I am today. Cheers to 2012 and beyond! Cheers to happiness!

 

 

 

An Easter Message

Today we celebrate life from death, victory from defeat, and happiness over sorrow.  Yet, wile celebrating life, there still exist deaths, defeats and sorrows around us. Today is also a day to remember those who are suffering, those who, against their will, experience unbearable pain, deep sorrow and profound anguish.

As we partake our Easter meals, or for some, ordinary meals for the day, there exists countless people experiencing hunger- men scavenging for left over foods in the garbage for their family, women selling their bodies for just one meal and innocent children crying their hearts out because of this hunger. As we lay peacefully on our beds, there exist those who are in the midst of wars and calamities: those living in fear- of little children traumatized, parents worrisome, families broken and people disoriented in a time where everybody else is dreaming. We are secured and enjoying the stability of our own homes and beds, yet there are those who fall victim to human justices and illnesses.  As we say our prayers, there are those who cannot express their faith publicly or as we enjoy intellectual discussions and maybe just simple conversations, there exists people bounded by tyranny, punished for exercising their rights. Places of deep sorrow and misery are real. The world is still full of scenes that depict Christ’s way to Calvary.

For us, it would just be one Good Friday, one Holy Week or 40 days of Lent but for many people, they are living a life of Calvary all throughout. Our stomachs growl with just one meal skipped or we feel deprived abstaining from meat on the Fridays of Lent; we curse when our sleep is disturbed and we feel bad when our sleeping time is delayed; we feel guilty when we forget to pray or we feel hurt when our opinions don’t count.  Imagine those people. Imagine a lifetime of Good Fridays.

Yet, Good Friday is supposed to be a promise of resurrection, of rising from one’s suffering, of gloriously surpassing death to life. The season of Lent is over but we can still hear cries of misery and suffering. It is inutile for us to remember, to pause and reflect and to be depressed with their condition. It is selfish of us, very selfish of us, to move on to the Easter of our lives without them. Everyone should concretely, tangibly, realistically experience resurrection just as Jesus did, just as we did. The challenge now is to be willing to share the Good Fridays of others and be that bridge, a selfless bridge to that beautiful, alive and graciously-filled Sunday of Easter.

Happy Easter, everyone!

A Letter to Myself.

Dear myself,

You know sometimes, you annoy me. I know you want your life to be like a movie or a Korean drama series but I didn’t know that it would be like this. For the past months, I know what you’re experiencing for what I experience is the same. And I know that it’s hard for you. And yes, I feel for you. I can’t really count how many times you cried minus this one. And yes, as your guidance counselor always says, ‘It’s perfectly normal.’

I know that this is not just about moving on. It’s about everything. Well, your life in Korea was a blast. And it would be really hard to let go of that life. Your freedom, your relationships, your privileges-and everything – all of that is over.  Having a very different life here would be hell of an adaption but you should, you must and you will.  You should learn that everything ends. All good things come to an end and so as  bad things too. That’s life and we should live with it. I also know it’s hard for you to accept that simple yet hurtful fact. But you should.  Everything ends so that we can have new and maybe better experiences, relationships and learning.

I also feel it when you feel sad whenever you enter your room. I know how boring your room is especially now that you don’t have  your own internet connection. Goodbye 2-minute-movie downloads. Yes, I know that you compare your room here to your room in Korea. And I know it’s not really comparable and it just highlights the difference between your life here and your life there.  But do remember that you survived and actually enjoyed staying here for about 2 years before. You just have to change your perspective in viewing things. Yes, Korea changed the way you view things but I know you can always look at the world the way you want to see it.

You have some regrets, I know. Well, you don’t want to call it regrets because it would compromise one of your life principles that you have to live life with no regrets. But let’s be honest- you have a couple if not many regrets. You were always telling me lately that you should have finished your thesis and completed everything before leaving for Korea. Well, if that happened, you said you’re still probably in Korea now and enjoying your life there. But I always tell you that everything happens for a reason-everything has its purpose. Remember the time when you said you should have just waited for the DevStud program to call you before enrolling in ComDev? Looking back, you know that your life would have been different- really different if you chose the other path. We just don’t know if you’re living a better life with that decision or not. And now, maybe we can see the different purposes that choice served, and that gave you a certain happiness. When we all look back at our life, maybe a year or 5 years ago, we can see how everything was interconnected and how your life now would be the result of those decisions.  And how our life now, and our decisions tomorrow and in the next week would be making connections for our life in the future. We might not always know the reason, but there are always reasons, and whenever we feel that what we are doing are for nothing, I think we are just too lazy to find out what the reason is or maybe, we are not that ready yet to know what the reason is.

I know you are confused now.  You asked me how can you move on if you don’t know where to go, or even the direction where you’re going. And I know that even before, you don’t know where you’re going. Everything wasn’t really planned. UP wasn’t even there. Nor was the three courses you’ve taken including the one now.  Studying in Baguio, the plan to transfer to Manila and finally settling down in Diliman was never there. Korea was never part of it, right? But wait. Was there really a plan in the first place?  I know you’re trying to find your place in the world where you will truly be happy, and I guess there’s no formula or a given map to find wherever that happiness is. You’ve been to different places trying to find that happiness. And probably you’re thinking now that you found a certain piece of that happiness in Korea. You might have or you might have not. Now,  you don’t even know where you’re going just to find that certain something. Well, whether happiness finds you or you find happiness, just enjoy what you’re doing now. But I know how hard it is when you feel like your life has no direction. You feel like you’re nowhere- but nowhere is ‘now here’, right? So just enjoy. It’s also hard when other people define happiness for you. Or  just the system telling you things you must do to be happy. Well, we define our own happiness. And if people’s happiness is defining happiness for you, then let them be. Let them be happy. I can’t really offer a formula for happiness. I wish to believe that happiness is not a destination but rather a journey. There’s no right track-because you’re making your own.

Everything seems hard for you now and again, I feel for you. It’s even hard because you can’t even share these things to people around you- because your relationships were affected by almost a year of your absence. You feel lonely even if you’re with people because it’s with people new to you, and you are new to them.  But you feel much lonelier when you are with people you know- your friends, batchmates, orgmates, of whom you think you don’t know anymore and they don’t know you too. It’s also hard because the people you’ve shared your life for almost a year, are now the ones  absent. It’s even hard to think the reality of how the indefinite time of their absence to your life and your absence to theirs will affect your relationship. I know that now, you’re afraid of making relationships again out of fear. And I understand you.  I know how important people are to you and I know it’s hard when you feel that you are always the one making the effort to continue whatever relationship you have left.  Actually, I don’t know what to tell you with this part. I’m not a relationship expert. The time you were really happy were the times you were with someone. Relationships give you happiness, right? Well, how about rerouting your effort of continuing your past relationships into making new relationships or bridging the affected relationships?  I really don’t know. But I know it’s just this: you miss bang bang with friends.

You don’t tell these to people because you think that they will think you are OA. You are not telling these to people because you are afraid that they might get annoyed because you yourself is annoyed with yourself. You are not telling these to people that’s why you’re telling these to me. I understand you. I am always trying to understand you. And of course, I am always here with you. Well, I can’t say if people around you will say the same but I really hope they do. You were always proud to say that you might be alone in Korea but you were never or seldom lonely. I am still waiting for the day that you can say that to me again. I want you to know that I feel happy whenever you smile out of small things. And have I told you that I miss seeing you laugh really hard? I can’t remember when was the last time I saw you almost die laughing. Please be happy. I want you to be happy.

 

Yours,

Roger.

 

 

 

 

A Farewell Speech Delivered to the Shinhan Presbyterian Church

Time sometimes it just slips away. Time runs very fast. And what’s left are the memories. I really had a great time here in Korea- the experiences, the friends, the people, the food and everything else- all of these i will deeply treasure in my heart.

 

The English Worship Service in Shinhan Church has been God’s way of letting me feel His love and providence. Every Sunday, I get to meet my friends, sing for God, listen to His words and have fun. I would like to take this opportunity to thank our Filipino brothers and sisters, international friends, the pastors, professors and everyone who have been, in one way or another, God’s blessing to me.

 

The truth is today is my last Sunday here in Church and it breaks my heart to say goodbye. But saying goodbye is a difficult yet a necessary thing to do. I will treasure every memory and everyone in the deepest rooms of my heart. Rest assured of my prayers. We only part to meet again. See you all in God’s time. Thank you very much.

RogerACabilesJr.

 

 

 

 

 

*impromptu speech delivered December 05, 2010. Roger has been attending the English Worship Service of the Shinan Presbyterian Church and the Korean mass at Im-dong Catholic Church.

On Gloria Arroyo.

Tonight is the eve of the transfer of powers in the Philippines. After after 12 years, we would actually transfer the powers from one person to another. In this case, it would be Gloria Macapagal Arroyo transferring presidential powers to Benigno Aquino III. Nine years of Arroyo’s administration for this country. She has become the president since I became aware of the dynamics in my country. She has been my president since I was 10. I am 19 now. Nine long years.

I was grade 4 then when she was put into power through EDSA People Power 2. Though innocent of Philippine politics, I am supportive of EDSA Dos, as I can remember. I still have memories of myself waving a red flag made of handkerchief and running inside our house. This little woman who received thunderous applause, clapping and joyous shouts would be as big as our country’s leader on that fateful day of January 20,2001 when she was sworn in as the 14^th president of our dear Republic. I didn’t support her bid for reelection. But she won. That made her our president for 9 years.

Nine years of unprecedented growth boasted by her government coupled with 9 years of scandal-ridden governance is how I would describe the Philippines under Gloria. We all know how Gloria took pride of her achievements in her speeches, advertisements and by her loyal henchmen and women. And we also know how her critics, maybe majority of our thinking population, belie these achievements and condemn her to be the worst president the country ever had. I don’t have defining and concluding evidences for these assumptions and allegations. All I have is my experience with these contrasting thoughts.

I consider myself lucky because I had the chance to benefit from what she always boasts on her speeches- the SCTEX, the more ‘passable’ roads going to my province and some other things. I also had my share of what others consider Gloria’s bad governance- from the tuition fee increase, the rising prices of commodities among many others. I also heard praises, lauds, and Gloriafication from her loyal supporters and those defending her from bad light. I also had my share of despair and angst whenever I hear a farmer, a student or someone marginalized retell stories of injustice and abuse they experienced under the administration. Condemnations and praises. Lauds and attacks. Yes, I praised her at times, especially on how brilliant she is but I also expressed my disgust whenever I knew I have to- especially when she failed to use her brilliance for the benefit of our dear country.

Now, for the part that some would be waiting for. Would I praise her administration or condemn it? I am not anti-Gloria though I’d been to some rallies against her. I am not pro-Gloria either though I think some people brand me that way just because I am not anti-Gloria (Oh, how I miss those black-or-white people who epitomize ‘if you’re not with us, you’re against us’) I don’t want to label myself just to please other people. I don’t want to condemn her administration because everybody expects and everybody does condemn this administration. I would also not praise her administration especially because of the scandals and injustices our country has experienced under her governance. I would like to wait for the time where we are enlightened on what really happened during the 2004 Presidential elections, the fertilizer scam fund, the Jose Pidal account, the Maguindanao massacre and more scandals that haunted this outgoing administration. Hopefully, the recently formed Truth Commission would shed light on these issues. I would also wait for the time where history and the Filipino people would recognize how Gloria did her best to lift our economy and promote peace and unity in our country. Trickling down the benefits of her administration would be hard, and hopefully, we will see if the incoming administration can actually make use of those benefits.

Every president has his/her own list of achievements and failures. Each had been condemned and praised. Each president had contributed to what and where our country is now. Every president despaired and hoped. We are like our presidents in every way with regards to our country- everyone of us has his/her own responsibility. The only difference is that we don’t get all the blame to where our country is now. Gloria’s is over. It’s Noynoy’s turn now.

I am nice to Gloria as I try to be nice to everybody else. And please, don’t judge me for being nice. As some people believe that humanity is cruel, greedy and animal-like, I also believe that, and I don’t care about the evidences, a human person is innately good. Though Gloria may have acted greedy, cruel or unjust, I know that she is innately good. And I am sure of that. But I hope that truth free us, love never cease in us and justice be served.

Roger A. Cabiles Jr.

June 29,2010

Eve of the transfer of powers in the Philippine Republic

The Story of my S(e)oul.

So this is the story of my Seoul.  It’s a long holiday because of Buddha’s birthday kaya we had a chance to spend the weekend sa Metroplitan City of Seoul. So Seoul is the capital of South Korea, it is a few hundred kilometers away from Pyongyang, North Korea kaya malapit lang. haha.

Roger in Gwanghamun Square

Seoul is beautiful. Of course, every place has its own beauty. Nakakamangha lang talaga pag nakakakita ka ng ibang mga bagay. Ofcourse hindi mawawala ang mga pagpunta sa mga ‘must-visit’ places. And what is  amazing is how Korea was able to preserve not only the beauty of its culture but its culture itself in the midst of a globalizing world. We can really see how they were able to transfer their culture sa mga susunod na generation through the use of innovative ways na hindi majejeopardize yung substance ng pinapasa nila.

imagine how I was able to take this picture alone. HAHAHA.

Me and my friends also watched the dream concert. It’s a yearly event where K-Pop artists gather to perform in front of a magnanimous and very enthusiastic club. Define pahirapan sa pagkuha ng ticket. Buti na lang, a friend gave me an extra ticket. Wala talaga akong plano manood kasi I’m not a fan of Kpop naman. Pero sabi ko, ‘I am in Korea, so why not experience how to be a KPop fan?’ HAHAHA. Hindi naman ako nagsissi, nakita ko sila Rain, Super Junior at madami pang iba. Natupad na rin ang pangarap kong marinig ng live ang Nobody Nobody but You. HAHAHA.

Dream Concert

My last day was the best day for me. Kasi humiwalay ako sa mga kasama ko. You know how I always liked to be alone. So i traveled Seoul alone for a day. Wow. Ang fun. Feeling ko talaga backpacker ako. Kasi dala ko na lahat ng gamit ko. haha. mahirap nga lang kumuha ng picture, so you can’t imagine the things i did para lang makakuha ng mga nice pictures ng view with myself, ofcourse. HAHA. the best talaga yung araw na yun.

okay. I vandalized Seoul. Anong nakalagay? 'Roger was here. xoxo' HAHAHA.

Dinner time, i went to see a foreigner friend and went to Seoul Tower. maganda. We had dinner overlooking the city of Seoul. mahirap i-explain. pero breath taking. pati yung presyo, breath-taking. HAHAHA. yun ata yung pinakamahal na meal na kinain ko sa buhay ko. pero worth it naman.

okay. yung background, yun ang Seoul. pero akong ang bida sa pic na to. HAHA.

I learned in the tower na Manila is 2606 kilometers away from my place. So while having my chance to see Seoul with the beauty of night lights, I wondered if this will really ever happen to Manila. Seoul, 60 years ago, is one of the poorest place in Asia, Korea was in ashes because of the Korean War. The bulk of the natural resources was in North Korea. In more or less 20 years, they were able to rise up, and in less than half a century, we see them developed.

Roger in Seoul Olympic Park. I'm still dreaming of Manila Olympics, 2044.

The Philippines, 60 years ago was 2nd to Japan as the richest country in Asia. We are the model country of our Asian neighbors that time. The Presidents of Singapore, South Korea and the Philippines have one thing in common- they are all authoritarian. We see where Korea and Singapore is now. What happened to us? I do not know. many from the academe say, it’s one of the mysteries that’s hard to answer.  Many in the public sector don’t know either. Marami naman sa atin, sinisisi ang gobyerno.

'yung bang patuloy na nagtatanong, naghahanap ng sagot at pilit na hinahangad at kumikilos para sa pagbabago. para sa bayan.'

So what do I say with this? Ewan. I haven’t think of it more deeply. Pero WTH. This post was supposedly about my experience sa Seoul. I really don’t fail myself when it comes to this. Palaging napapasok ang mga ganitong usapin. Pero I wanted to write the story of my Seoul. And  I think, I am writing about it naman, yung bang patuloy na nagtatanong, naghahanap ng sagot at pilit na hinahangad at kumilos para sa pagbabago. para sa bayan.  And yes, that is the Story of my Soul.

For those of you who want to learn more about Seoul, please visit Seoul City’s official Facebook page! It is really interesting and very helpful! http://www.facebook.com/#!/hiseoul?ref=ts

i think i’m back.

hmmmmm.

well, sa totoo lang, napilitan lang ako. kasi im really bored nowadays.  andaming nangyayari pero wala lang, I still feel bored, uninspired, etc etc.

so kumusta ako? Well, I’m fine here. Wag kayong mag-alala. I only have one-two hour classes everyday kaya medyo free ako all of the time. As in literal na wala akong ginagawa. Masarap siyang gawin sa umpisa pero like what Im experiencing now, nakaka-boring na siya.

Korea is such a nice place. Koreans are really nice. Hindi pa naman ako nakaka-experience ng racism dito. Or baka hindi ko lang nahahalata. sa maikling pananatili ko dito ng dalawang buwan, andami ng nangyari, andami kong natutunan, andaming naging kaibigan, andaming experience. At sure ako na dadami pa yung mga yun. Sana.  Medyo pag iniisip ko nga na aalis ako dito next year at babalik ng Pilipinas, nakakalungkot. I dunno. maybe emo talaga ako.

Kumusta ako after the elections? Well, I’m disappointed with the results but I respect and value the decision of the majority. We live in a democracy so kailangan tanggapin na yung kagustuhan ng nakararami yung masusunod. I want to give our newly-elected officials a chance to prove themselves to us.  And with that, I throw my support in the name of national unity and reconciliation. ganun naman talaga dapat.

so, yun na lang muna. I want to write many things pero alam kong ang mahahabang post ay boring. So i think this one is okay. It’s good to see you again and hmmm. I think I’m back.

Naniniwala ako kay Gibo Teodoro.

Naniniwala ako na darating ang araw kung kailan makikita natin ang isang Pilipinas nanalampasan at napagtagumpayan ang mga hapong kinakaharap nito; kung saan may lugar para sa bawat Pilipinong mamuhay nang may dignidad; kung paano darating ang oras at lugar na iyon ay tayo ang gagawa; at kung bakit natin gagawin iyon, siguro may kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. pero sana ginagawa natin to Para sa Bayan.

Naniniwala ako na kailangan natin ng lider na sa kampanya pa lamang ay nagpapakita na kung paano papatakbuhin ang bansa. Siya na hindi nakikipagbatuhan ng putik sa mga kalaban. Walang siraan. Isang taong inawan man ng mga taong inasahan ay nanannatili pa ring matatag sa kabila ng lahat. Hindi nagpapadala sa udyok ng iilan. Hindi nagiging dahilan ng pagkakawatak-watak, bagkus ay iniaalok sa lahat ang pagkakaisa. Ito ang kampanyang gusto ko. Malinis, positibo at may laman.

Naniniwala ako na kailangan natin ng presidente na may sapat na kakayahan at kagalingan para patakbuhin ang bayan. Napakakumplikado na ng mga problema ng Pilipinas at nangangailangan ito ng isang taong hindi mangangapa sa dilim. Kung pipili tayo dahil hindi siya kurakot, moral siya o santo siya o magulang niya, o dahil ayaw nating manalo yung kalaban niya, kung dahil lang doon, mas lalong ewan ang magiging kinabukasan natin. Hindi expereimental laboratory o langit ang Malacanang. Malacanang ang Malacanang- kailangan ng tao dun.

Naniniwala ako na kailangan natin ng pangulong may karanasan. Oo, lahat naman ata sila may karanasan. Pero isang taong kayang magamit ang karansang iyon para patakbuhin ang bansa. Hindi natin kailangan ng pinunong may bahid ang karansan. Yung taong narating kung saan siya ngayon dahil sa mga usapang tago, pag-accomodate na interes ng iilan o sa kung anumang kadiliman. Oo. Alam ko na. Hindi lang nasusukat sa sipag at tiyaga, bagkus aykaranasang may prinsipyo at may paninindigan.

Naniniwala ako na kailangan natin ng pinunong hindi nahihibang ngunit nananatili sa realidad. Isang taong may konreto at kaabot-abot na plano para sa bayan. Hindi nangangako ng kung anu-anong mga bagay na alam naman nating hindi matutupad. Oo, kung walang kurap, walang mahirap. Wala tayo sa utopia. Hangga’t nananatili tayo sa mundong ito, mayroon at mayroong mga kurakot at magkakaroon ng kahirapan. Pero alam kong may taong kayang makontrol ang kurapsyon at kayang mapagaan ang kahirapang dinadala ng bayan sa pamamagitan ng iba’t ibang programa at proyektong may sense at malaki ang posibilidad na matupad.

Naniniwala ako na kailangan natin ng taong kayang pakilusin ang mga tao. Yung nakakamotivate. Yung nakaka-inspire. Hindi naman ang mga tao sa gobyerno ang magbabago sa sarili natin at sa bayan- tayo mismo ang social transformers. Hindi yung pangulo ang mag-aahon sa atin sa hirap- tayo yung gagawa nun sa sarili natin. Yung taong nasa sa Malacanang, siya yung mangunguna, siya yung maglelead, siya yung tutulong sa ating tulungan yung mga sarili natin. Wala dapat sa Malacanang ang kapangyarihan- nasa bayan- nasa atin.

Naniniwala ako na panahon na para mag-mature ang mga Pilipino. Sana maniwala tayo sa taong pinakakarapat-dapat maging pangulo. At sana, yung paniniwala nating iyon ay maging konkreto sa pagsuporta natin sa kanya. Kung may pasubali man tayo dahil akala natin ay walang tsansa yung taong yun na manalo, bigyan natin siya ng tsansa. Tayo mismo ang magpapanalo sa kanya. Yung abstract na konsepto ng pag-asa, gawin nating konkreto sa Mayo 10.

Oo. Naniniwala ako sa taong ito kahit hindi kami magkakilala; kahit alam kong may posibilidad na hindi maging maganda ang kalabasan ng administrasyon niya; kahit may ilang pagdududa ako sa kanya. Pero sa kabila ng lahat ng mga iyon, may tiwala ako sa kanya at sa bayan; may nakikita akong pag-asa sa kanya at sa mga Pilipino.; may naaaninag akong liwanag sa kanya at sa Pilipinas

Naniniwala ako kay Gibo Teodoro at sa sambayanang Pilipino.

para sa bayan.
ROGER A. CABILES JR.

‘I am quite disappointed with myself…’*

Hi Mam. mukhang hindi ko po ata kayang abutin yung deadline para sa thesis ko.

I am quite disappointed with myself kasi naniniwala ako na kaya ko siyang tapusin kung ginusto ko lang. Pero hindi ko ginawa. I am preoccupied with other things here and I forgot my responsibilities back home. Moreover, thesis responsibilities pa. I am really having a hard time here knowing my priorities, maybe because I’m still adjusting to the Korean environment or what. Knowing and choosing what to prioritize have always been a problem for me. I hope that I learn to know my priorities in life kasi mahirap mamuhay na parang wala lang. I want to take full responsibility of whatever thing I choose to do.

I am trying to understand why I act like this. Personality, motivation,behaviour, etc. etc. But I don’t want to resort to scapegoats and pretenses. I take full responsibility for this one.

Having great dreams for the country and for myself entail a disciplined and well-rounded individual for these dreams to be realized. I hope that this opportunity in Korea and other experiences as well will help me to become one. I have many plans and I know that if I continue acting like this, mapupunta lang sa wala yung mga plano ko.

This thesis could have been an affirmation of my zealous and passionate commitment to effect change, even in a small way. I failed. And no one is to blame but myself. But as Confucius once said, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

This would serve as a lesson for me. And I hope I learn a lot from it.

Roger.

*(Roger’s letter to his thesis adviser, sent April 08,2010. some parts deleted)

Defend Judicial Independence. Protect our Supreme Court.

I maybe thousands of miles away but that won’t stop me from voicing out my vehement opposition and indignation on the Supreme Court’s decision allowing Gloria to appoint the next Chief Justice! let us protect our Supreme Court! Let us defend Judicial Independence!